It was Aldous Huxley who famously wrote that “I can sympathise with people’s pains, but not with their pleasures.” There is something curiously boring about somebody else’s happiness. It is out of other people’s unhappiness that Shakespeare’s tragedies were born. Thousands gathered around Roman arenas to see humans torn apart by lions. Deep inside us, we have a streak of cruelty. We are accused, often rightly so, of exulting in other people’s tragedies, their pain. This might be simply because it gives us the comforting feeling we are not in their shoes, that we need not share their predicament.

A great many people have lived on this earth since the human race began, millions of them. And over every head, just as over yours and mine, has dangled the tempting word and idea called happiness. Happiness connotes a state that most people touch only momentarily but never attain in a fundamental way.

One of the great failures of the human race has been the failure of its members to attain anything like enduring happiness on earth. The human race has not learnt to be happy. There are many reasons for this. We have lost touch with Nature. We have forgotten the rhythm of the changing seasons, the immutability of mountains, the eternal flow of the rivers. We have slashed and burnt jungles, dammed rivers and made use of Nature. Man has become selfish and wants the earth only for himself and his kin. It is he who has caused precious flora and fauna to figure in the endangered list. There is too much emphasis on the earning of money and material affluence. Man surrounds himself with cars, cell phones, television sets, kitchen gadgets and thinks these will bring him the happiness that has always eluded him.

And yet, there are ways to unlock the door that leads to happiness. The first is to keep life simple. We should be responsive to the simple things that are at hand, readily accessible. Don’t get into the habit of acquiring the unusual for your pleasure. Life becomes a tremendously interesting adventure if you learn to take pleasure in simple things. Children know how to be responsive to simple things – getting wet in the rain, bouncing a ball, watching a rainbow. But, as the years go by, they look only to the future, for achievements, material affluence and lose that intuitive capacity for joy.

Secondly, avoid watching for a knock in your motor. Among the world’s most miserable people are those who cannot get over the idea that they have something intrinsically wrong somewhere – something rotten in the state of their constructions. They belong to an organisation we may call “A symptom a day club.” Members of this club ask themselves – “Where am I sick today?” These people are physiologically sound but emotionally unsound. They spread misery by recounting their symptoms before anyone who cares to listen to them.

Another key to happiness is to like work. A person who has convinced himself that he doesn’t like to work has a monotonous repetition of unpleasant emotions while he is working. So, he tries to think up excuses for not working. Then the economic pressures that go with no income sets off another aspect of negativity. The loafer is clearly not a happy man.

Do you have a hobby? Chances are that if you do, you are an emotionally fulfilled person. Two of our basic needs are the need for new experiences and for creative efforts. A good hobby supplies them both. Without a hobby, spare time becomes a boring period during which our minds are more likely to cogitate upon our troubles. I remember my friend Barasha. She had a large collection of sea shells and spent hours making intricate patterns by pasting the shells with glue. We would often laugh at her hobby but today we know better. Barasha had a mentally retarded brother and there was a lot of tension at home. Those hours spent with her sea shells calmed her and made her forget her worries.

We should learn to be satisfied. There is one understandable cause for being unsatisfied – when there is obvious negligence, dishonesty, carelessness or incompetence on someone’s part. But it is obviously useless to be dissatisfied when a situation cannot be altered. Living in chronic dissatisfaction is about as close to living in hell. It is often innocently acquired by a child living in a family where parents are continually at odds with everyone and everything else. Others become so when they have met with misfortunes in life.

Another simple key to happiness is to like people and join the human enterprise. In a world where people live next door to each other and rub shoulders everywhere, it is disastrous to dislike people. There are some people who dislike everybody and keep social intercourse to a minimum. This trait isolates them in a shell. They have forgotten that the greatest joy comes from giving pleasure to others and without it, the world would be a gloomy place.

It is a good idea to say cheerful pleasant things. One can start with one’s family. Pleasant conversations, when the family is together, can be a binding force. Do not, for your own or your children’s sake, make the family meal a recitation of troubles, anxieties or accusations.

One can never predict what happens in life. Even if one gets more than a fair share of troubles, one can meet adversity by turning defeat into victory. A woman I know went into pieces after her mother died. She refused to go to work and expected her material uncle to maintain her. She was just feeling sorry for herself. The family members did some plain speaking and my friend is now living on her own, working and facing life with equanimity. She even met a personable young man recently and wedding bells may ring soon.

The best part of being human is that one can learn to change one’s mind. A new frame of mind, a new way of looking at things may change one’s life for the better. Happiness, after all, does not lie in external things. It takes root in the inner recesses of our minds.

i_raimedhi@yahoo.co.in

Indrani Raimedhi