Teenagers seem to be far more important people today, than they were in the years gone by. They have many special things going for them, which was not the case at all with the older generation. We have teenage magazines, teenage columns in adult magazines, teenage fashions, hair do’s and even teenage beauty contests. They are a pampered lot and parents, teachers are always being told by counsellors to treat this set with kid gloves.

It is a strange transition, I mean the one from childhood to teenage. One minute there is this little kid happy to chase a ball in the backyard and have his nose wiped by his mom. The next minute, he is this grim stranger who talks in monosyllables, wears strange clothes like T-shirts with swear words on them and stays up all night listening to music that seems to come straight from hell. He pushes you away when you want to cuddle him, wants more and more pocket money and is always on the phone with some equally mixed up friend. It isn’t simpler if it is a girl. They want to have their navels pierced, spend all their waking hours shopping for clothes and are much more keen on hair colour than history lessons. Teenagers are like speed maniacs who love to drive without brakes, but haven’t a clue where they are going. They are too proud to ask for directions and believe their parents are the enemies who must be kept away from the lives, and especially their rooms. As a teen, the most uncool thing you could be caught doing is being seen with your parents. And the coolest thing is to live as if you depend on no one for your needs or your existence.

Of course, we all know that runaway hormones are to blame for this. But knowing the facts isn’t enough. It’s very hard on the poor parents. Somehow, they never anticipate it coming and suddenly, it’s like they are in the middle of a tornado. As if it’s not enough pleasing the boss, suffering traffic jams, juggling with the loan payments and insurance premiums, they have to counter loud arguments on food, dress, television watching time, exam grades and what have you with their teenaged offspring. You slave over the gas stove cooking up a balanced, nutritious meal and your kid is on the phone, giving route instructions to the pizza delivery man. Your daughter laughs at you for not knowing who Hannah Montana is.

But these are minor problems compared to the really big worries. Are your teens doing drugs? Are they having unprotected sex? Are they mixing with the wrong sort of friends? Are they drinking while driving? Are they even going to complete their education, get a job and get off your backs? Nothing seems certain at this point of time. And if you tell them how good you were when you were their age, it’s only going to make it worse.

It is, however, tougher to be a teenager today than say, some decades ago. First of all, teens today have to do without the safety net of a joint family. When relatives of different age groups live together, it encourages an individual to adjust, to make compromises, and understand that other’s interests are equally important as one’s own. Today, children grow up only with their parents and, not surprisingly, they behave as if the world revolves around them. They put their own needs first and often grow up to be selfish, self-absorbed individuals simply because they have never had the opportunity to live as a larger group. Again, because of the absence of this joint family set-up, there is a disturbing vagueness about the idea of one’s identity. The breakaway from the larger family leaves behind a vacuum, and unanswered questions of where one belongs. Children today form closer relationships with friends than with cousins. This by itself is not a bad thing but the weakening ties of kinship lead to alienation, especially among growing children who have a need to belong and to be accepted.

Secondly, parents today have to work harder at their jobs. There is greater competition at the work-front and ambitious men and women are always on the go, working for longer hours, chasing goals, leaving children in the care of hired help. Children feel shut out from their parents’ lives and it has a very bad impact on teenagers. The feeling of being unloved and neglected may drive them into friendship with the wrong sort of people and self-destructive behaviour like taking drugs or binge drinking. Many parents have the mistaken motion that since they are putting food on the table and taking care of all the material needs, their children should be grateful. But, meeting material needs is never enough. The growing teen needs time to express himself/herself, feel cherished and someone who is at hand to clear their confusions about life and living.

Since the last couple of decades, people, especially in the cities, have been having fewer children. This no doubt has benefits both for the family and society but there is a disquieting fallout of this phenomenon. Parents are putting greater presence on the one or two children they have. They simply see it as a case of demanding returns from an investment. The children are given the best education, the best of everything and it is expected that they live up to the great expectations of the parents. I know of parents who want their offspring to excel not only in academics but in every activity they are enrolled in - be it dance, music, sports or art. This single-minded obsession of parents these days is a frightening thing, and leaves lasting scars on the child’s psyche.

Then, there is television. Adults have the propensity to blame the television for everything that goes wrong with their children, conveniently forgetting that it is they themselves who chose to use television as a baby sitter. I have parents complaining to me of the morally lax serials shown on TV, which they see as having a very negative effect on their offspring, whereas they themselves are up to all sorts of shenanigans that are no secret to their children.

Let us remember that teenage is a preparation for the journey ahead. It is not a disease that has to be cured or a problem that has to be solved. It is a state of transition which may be chaotic and painful, but which is nevertheless valuable in the way in which a child makes the rite of passage towards adulthood.

– indrani_raimedhi@reddiffmail.com

website: www.iraimedhi.com

Indrani Raimedhi